why won’t you co-op?

From: Cleo Wilkinson <[email protected]>
Reply-To: Cleo Wilkinson <[email protected]>
Subject: Position available : (012548924455)
Date: Fri, 20 Feb 2015 19:28:20 -0700

Hi.

We would like you to look through the job offer written below. Cooperative Forwarding Agency�has recently looked over the CV that you placed one the web and would like to offer you a position as a courier clerk department employee.

Cooperative Forwarding Agency was set in 2006 as a result of the merger of different commercial postal services in Lithuania. Our current business sphere works with a lot of European clients to organize the ordering, purchase and transfer of goods purchased directly from the North American stores to them. Our corporation approach by default targets the retail field.

The duties of your vacancy are considered only for residents of the United States. As a shipping clerk your duties will include: tracking, receiving, combining, accumulating and shipping goods ordered from general US online firms to Europe to the corporate headquarters and secondary office locations. The vacancy does not require going to any type of office work places and can be mostly done from your home and the nearest post office. Our company provides all the required materials and detailed directions for executing the job, a clear work agreement (with other documents) and plenty of benefits. We require no investments from our employees. Merchandise that our customers purchase are mostly popular electronics such as Apple devices, various laptops and other electronics, so there is nothing big or bulky involved (and no need for a warehouse place). We offer a $1,800 monthly stable and base wage with an extra bonus given for every task done on time. There is a very good chance of higher wages and growing careers for our most successful team members.

Our requirements:
– Eighteen years minimum age
– Owning a functional street address
– Ability to surf comfortably on the web and with a printer
– Owning a working phone number (and willingness to add several or additional numbers)
Cooperative Forwarding Agency is glad to show you this official invitation message. We strictly avoid any attachments or links to keep web security at the the best level.

If you are interested, do not hesitate to write us via email.

Dear Cleo,

You have contacted me at a most opportune moment in my life. In the interest of full disclosure, I would like to discuss our mutual opportunity since I feel it will be helpful in understanding your business and my role in it.

I am only seventeen, live in a youth hostel but have my own personal mail box in the neighborhood, and am comfortable with both web and couch surfing. However, my printer is a dot matrix model that was manufactured in 1986 and the ribbons are only made by a 90 year old shaman that lives in a grass hut on the island of Cozumel, Quintana Roo, Mexico. If you are willing to purchase a couple dozen of these rare, vintage printer ribbons I promise that I will work tirelessly toward your our common goal of being the world’s foremost exporter of cheap, U.S. consumer electronics goods that will make us piles of money by circumventing import/export taxes.

So here’s what I’ll need from you. A detailed business plan. Your physical address. A complete list of all of your “shipping clerks,” as well as the contacts at your city’s postal service that we have to bribe. I can only assume that they will be at the top of our list for recipients of Apple & Cuisinart products since I imagine the demand for them in Lithuania must be insane for you to consider setting up this operation in the first place. I am afraid, however, that since I will be complicit to your dodging of international trade laws and treaties that I will require a little more than a measly $1800 per month salary. Since I and the other “shipping clerks” will be assuming part of the risk of this business, I think it only fair that we also share in the profits. And since the business name you have chosen implies that this will be organized as a co-operative business I feel that this will work out rather nicely for all parties involved.

You see, my family have a longtime history of supporting the ideals of co-operative federalist and other forms of co-op collectives so I am enclosing a faithful transcript of “What Consumers’ Cooperation Does” as originally published in the May 1934 issue of Consumers Cooperation magazine. I trust that you will read it at length and contact me at your earliest opportunity to coordinate the email & shipping of the items I have requested along with a detailed co-op charter approved by your attorney and filed with your nearest municipal business licensing organization.

Yours faithfully,
Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Ms.)