pennies from old east anglia

From: “Guy Shaffer” <[email protected]>
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: Vacancies available
Date: Thu, 16 Apr 2015 10:26:45 -0700

Our actively expanding company opens a position of a texts corrector for
the people who possesses excellent English skills to aid in dealing
with our exterior clients.

Your professional responsibilities will be proofreading our business text files
and eliminating spelling and grammar inexactness that might occur in the text.

The job takes near 1-2 hours daily.
You may do the work on your own time.

Salary for the work done:

Each 1 Kilobyte (1024 symbols) of text content is compensated by $5.

This message to you is ca. 1 Kb of size.

All in all, it will bring you about $500-$2500 per month.

To apply for this job you must meet our requirements:

*Country of residence: priority – USA, but Most important – you Speak English.
*Having an Access to a computer

For further details about the vacancy, please reply to [email protected] with the following information about you:
First + last name:
Country, State:
Look forward to having a long-time cooperation with you.

Dear Guy and/or Octavia,

I am deeply disturbed by your job offer. I have, in fact, counted one thousand twenty-five symbols in your email and would like to know if this “circa 1kb” message of yours is intended as a test for me to carefully count the symbols in your message or if you are actually sending me a message from the year circa 1000 before the common era. Either of the options has me pondering the possibilities. For example, how would I read this message you sent if I do not have access to a computer? Even more curious, how did you send this to me from three thousand years ago? My scientific mind has deduced that since you are seeking English speakers that you cannot be contacting me from prior to the year 450 since Wikipedia tells me that Prehistoric Old English was spoken from circa 450 to 650. Now that we’ve cleared that up, I would like to know the nature of our business. Will I be editing documents intended for professional clients or is this merely a fancy job description for Spam Writer. I have written my fair share of twenty word film reviews for Seattle’s weekly newspaper, The Stranger, but rarely did I have to actually see the movie in question. So I ask you this: will I need to actually read the copy that you’re asking me to edit or can I just make shit up on the fly? I’ve been told that this is something I excel at so I eagerly await your response.

First + last name: Mayor Tab Townsell
Country, State: Toad Suck, Arkansas