Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater

From: Doloris Moorehead <[email protected]>
Date: February 15, 2015 at 8:09:04 PM GMT-8
Subject: hey PETER

PETER when was the last time which you actually got the opportunity to get out of your workplace to travel?

Can you miss having the ability to relax from all the nerve-racking things besieging your office?

Just how long can you still stand being in this kind of working environment?

That’s exactly the reason why I sent you this e-mail.

I understand how tough it will be to make money, but it is still best should you get the time to take a rest and relax every once every so often.

Why don’t you try doing something new?
Let me enable you to do thus PETER

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As you could see, I will be providing you on-line job provides because with what you’re experiencing right now, that is what you’ll need.

It is a job which could cause you to feel comfy while you become successful as well as a job that can take you away from all of the strain of being in a disorderly workplace.

Where else is it best to locate peace apart from in your safe place?
I know that you’re already confident to work in your house now, therefore what else are you waiting for? Visit The website now and begin making positive changes in your whole life.

Doloris

Dearest Doloris,

Thank you for explaining your exact reasons for contacting me. First, I should explain the exact method by which I received your email and subsequently delivered my reply.

I pay a school boy on the mainland to check my emails once or twice a fortnight. His family cannot afford shoes for him so my small pittance paid for services rendered helps keep him clothed and fed when his father has to take time off from his job in the uranium mines. This boy — let’s call him Afanasy to protect his identity. When Afanasy uses the public library terminals to check my email, he prints it on paper recycled from the village’s latrines. Don’t worry for my health or the boy’s as it really is quite sanitary. Afanasy prints them in a very tiny font in order to fit as many emails on to a single sheet as possible. His carrier pigeons are strong & healthy but the less weight they have to carry from the mainland the sooner I can feed them and send them back to their home with Afanasy. I then have to turn up my oil lamp to full brightness and use a rather large magnifying glass to read my emails. My replies have to conserve space as well so I write them in very fine print — again on a single sheet — and trust that the paper is not too much of a burden for the poor bird that must return it safely along with my payment.

But please bear with me so I can be sure that I understand your missive correctly…

First, you seem to assume that I do not enjoy my job as a lighthouse keeper. It offers me a peace of mind that most city dwellers would not understand. Aside from the company of many species of ocean bird in addition to the occasional carrier pigeon, the sea is my longtime friend and companion. The rest and relaxation I achieve during my working hours and resting hours are invaluable. You cannot put a price on them. I assure you that even if you could offer me a salary beyond my wildest dreams, it would never begin to pay me in the ways that I am currently compensated.

You also assume that I never travel from my “safe place” but I can assure you that I do quite regularly. At least once a week I take my dinghy to the nearby fishing village where Afanasy & his family live. I have to regularly restock my supplies of paper, food, and meager sundries that I subsist on. I won’t bore you with the details but the 100 kilometres I travel round trip provide me such scenic vistas of beauty that the world’s poets would envy me many times over.

I appreciate you looking out for me, Doloris, but I will have to politely decline your offer. However, I do appreciate getting letters from the outside world so please feel free to keep up a correspondence. However, due to the situation I have already described, please try to keep them under 500 words at most per letter.

best wishes,
Genghis Cohen