why not, Ynoc?

From: OldBat Back2life
Date: Sun, Oct 18, 2015 at 3:58 AM
Subject: Way To Bring Nearly ANY Dead Battery Back To Life again..

Hi There,
I’m not sure if you saw my last email but time is running out on this… There’s a new way to bring nearly any type of old battery back to life …so it’s just like new again. This method works with nearly ANY type of battery out there …and it’s simple and quickBut today may be your last chance to learn how to do this simple method…

In the presentation, you’ll learn how to bring car, phone, and laptop batteries back to life.This simple methods even works with solar/off-grid, marine, golf cart, and forklift batteries. Plus, many more! With this secret method, you won’t have to buy new expensive batteries anymore. You can just recondition your old, used batteries and save money! So really …don’t miss out on seeing this. This presentation may have to come down within the next hour.

Best Regards,
Nikkie Ynoc

Dear Old Bat,

Per our telegraph conversation, I am shipping you a truckload of dead, leaking batteries for you to revive with your miracle rejuvenation sauce. Unfortunately, my dear housekeeper, Mrs. Dudley, passed away after several weeks of slow, agonizing pain induced by coming in to contact with your magic unguent. Fortunately, she was a widowed old spinster and I don’t expect the house cats will mind having some fresh meat in the freezer to help them get through this upcoming harsh winter. In the interim, I have hired several small children from the local village to handle my remaining overstock so I am also enclosing a check for another 50 gallon drum of your much maligned but truly inspirational enchanted brew. Once my garage is filled with newly invigorated storage cells, I plan to unleash a batch of my latest revision of taser drones on the nearby retirement home in hopes of working out the last few bugs in my design. If you wish to share my videos with your other customers as testimony to your sensational product, please let me know so I can send them post haste by carrier pigeon.

Sincerely,
Dr. John Markway