lack of speed kills

From: Google <[email protected]>
Date: Thu, Feb 4, 2016 at 1:27 PM
Subject: Google sent you a check.
Hi [email protected],

We all know it, we all use it, we all NEED it,
…but not all of us making money with it!

GOOGLE!

Learn how to make Google pay you TODAY:

There’s a new software that developed by a team of the GREATEST
wall streets analysts and programmers that works with Google Search Engine.

It’s called – GoogleTrader!
Now,
The most important part is that the average user of the software
makes between $1,800 to $4,300 in profits every single day!

You must check it out as soon as possible!

See for yourself but please don’t share
this with other members who may not have
been given this chance.

Click here now to get started!

Have A Great Week!

Jack Maa

Dear sir and/or madam,

I am delighted to hear about your opportunity to beta test the new Google Trader application. However, as I am one of the developers of the program and have already profited immensely from several years of insider trading, I would like to invite you to the private alpha test of our next generation product, Google Scammer. We are enlisting reputable shysters from the community such as yourself who are constantly on the lookout for the next opportunity to get one over on your fellow human no matter where they are in the world. To assist you in expanding your business & entice you to join our program, we are including the following list of pro scammer tips to help you step up your game whether or not you decide to help us out.

Top 10 Email Scammer Rules

1. One URL per email
   In an ideal world, spam and security gateways would let every email through just like they used to back in 1995. But on today’s fast paced Information Highway, we don’t want you to get left behind on the infobahn. Keep it simple, stupid.
2. Keep colors & sizes together
   If you’re sending out a nice HTML email, have someone that’s not a colorblind moron give you a second opinion.
3. Underscores underwhelm
   IF YOU USE ALL CAPS, or underline every other sentence or exclamation, you’ll lose your audience. Don’t be that guy.
4. Madlibs is a kid’s game, not a con strategy
   If you use a mail merge program to automate your spam and don’t include personal touches like calling out the recipient’s shoe size, date of birth, or chosen religion, nobody’s going to believe it’s a personal email addressed only to them. Duh!
5. To a picture, everything’s meta data
   We don’t know what that means but are confident that you do.
6. Lack of speed kills
   If you write your scam copy while on anything but amphetamines it will lack a certain je ne sais quoi.
7. When disaster strikes, start your engines!
   If a typhoon strikes your home town you can be certain the rest of us will be using it as an opportunity to get rich. Whatever you do, don’t grow a conscience!
8. Don’t send money to someone you don’t know
   We have had reports of a few alpha testers who have been found sending money to people they’re trying to scam. What on earth were they thinking?!?
9. Talk to your doctor before you buy health products or treatments.
   See number 8.
10. Remember there’s no sure thing in investing.
    Please refer to number 8. *sigh*